Around 90% of Texas beaches infested with poop, study says

With record temperatures scorching Texas this summer, many folks are heading to the coast to cool off. However, the next time you do, there's a good chance you'll be jumping into water infested with poop, according to a new study.

In 2022, 55 of 61 Texas beaches tested by environmental regulators were found to be unsafe due to high levels of fecal contamination in the water on at least one occasion, according to Safe for Swimming?, an annual report issued by the Environment Texas Research and Policy Center.

Most of the contaminated beaches were located in the Corpus Christi and Galveston areas, according to the analysis.

To determine which beaches were awash with excrement, Environment Texas checked how often fecal bacteria levels at various beaches exceeded the Environmental Protection Agency’s “Beach Action Value,” associated with an estimated illness rate of 32 out of 1,000 swimmers.

Researchers found that 90% of Texas beaches tested last year had the possibility of making swimmers sick because of fecal contaminants.

“Even as Texans are back to enjoying the fresh sea breeze and splash of waves at the beach, pollution is still plaguing too many of the places where we swim,” Environment Texas Executive Director Luke Metzger said in a statement. “Now is the time to fix our water infrastructure and stop the flow of pathogens to our beaches.”

Coming in as the shittiest beach on Environment Texas' list is Cole Park, which was unsafe 54% of the 50 days it was tested in 2022. Ropes Park slid out of first place from last year’s report, taking the literal No. 2 slot. Its water was deemed unsafe 41% of the days it was tested. Meanwhile, Poenisch Park took the honor as the third-worst beach in Texas with its waters deemed unsafe 38% of the time.

Texas isn’t an anomaly, though. Turns out 84% of the beaches tested on the Gulf Coast had at least one unsafe swimming day due to fecal bacteria in 2022 — more than any other region in the U.S.

So, are Texans just massive dumps in the water? Not exactly.

Those high contamination levels in ocean water are largely caused by polluted runoff — think cow poop flowing into streams and rivers following heavy rain — and by sewage overflows from aging waterworks. As of press time, both Houston and Corpus Christi are under federal decrees to upgrade their sewer systems due to thousands of clean water violations since 2016, according to the report.

Texans looking for a place to swim that isn’t equivalent to taking a dip in a public toilet should look towards South Padre. Beaches there had far fewer dirty water days on average than those around Corpus Christi and Galveston, the report said.

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